THE PHONE CALL

Aside

The Phone Call

Please allow me to share a recent happening with you.

My dearest Mother left this planet, crossed over, died – whatever one wants to call it — (I choose to call it dying or passing on to the next life) — a little over six years ago. In her sickest days just before that, we had this conversation:

“Mom, will you please let me hear from you

when you pass over or get to that next place?”

“Yes, I will do that.”

I must tell you that I’ve thought about that conversation many times since that day. And I must also tell you that I hadn’t received a word from her in all that time until….

One morning last week my phone rang. When I picked it up, there was only silence on the other end.

“Hello,” I said. “Hello,” I said once more.

It was then that this soft, ethereal voice spoke.

It said to me, “My daughter…”

Though I listened for more words, there were none.

And there was no sound of hanging up from the other end of the phone.

After a long moment, I hung my phone up very slowly.

I say that was my Mother keeping her promise to me.

What do you say?

Happy Now

 

It’s a good thing my 75-year-old body grounds me to this earth, otherwise my Spirit would just float off! The mystery I call love is my goal.

Since I put on my earth suit, love has come to me in bits and pieces. Now I know there’s more – much more.

Love never runs out.

Love is Big

Life is Big.

And Happy is part of both.

In my life, the bits and pieces of love I’ve gotten have made me feel crappy. Now I want happy, so is  the leap I’ve chosen to make.

Last month, I was swimming at the ‘Y’ on Quince Road, when I was splashed by Happy in the form of a beautiful young man of 19 from the war-infested Middle East. Even though he’s been forced to live through war’s pain, he accepts everyone as beings to be loved, not as war’s participants – not as his enemies.

Inviting him into my heart and our home has been a real heart-opener for me. Sharing life’s moments with him reminds me that true love has nothing to do with age, looks, smells, what I drive or what part of town I live in.

The love this young man and I share is not a romantic love, but a God Affair.  It teaches me daily that love is a solvable mystery and nothing can take its place.

At 75, I accept no substitutes.  I want what brings me Happy – not crappy.  And the joy of it is, now I know the difference. Out goes my idea that one must be mature (certainly over 19!) to “get” Love’s mystery and live it.

My 75-year-old body is going to pot, but my spirit is downright perky when it comes to love – no matter when, where or from who it appears. I’m glad my body’s got me grounded because I’m not through with life.  Love is Big.  Life is Big. There is plenty to go around — no matter what your age.

BOW WOW LOVE

 

 

My baby Emy, just this morning I held you to my breast and let you lick all over my face and neck with your little pink tongue as you loved to do. Somehow you must have known that this was our last perfect time together. And I know that you knew.

I also know that you knew I would be the one to find you, so you bestowed me with one last remarkable gift. The car that hit you left no marks at all on your precious little body.

You laid down your life so I could heart-see you — beyond bodyform — and get a glimpse of the Real! How perfect is that?

My beloved lover-girl-dog, before you walked through my door, I thought (with my cunning, know-it-all mind) that I knew all there was to know. But not so, because in your subtle doggie ways, you easily and willingly taught me so much more. I must have been ready for you and didn’t even know I was ready. But in you came – and you got me BIG TIME.

You were who you were and you were Love. 

Will I give up the tears I’m crying for you, Emy? Not just yet, because my feelings have been laid bare and I’m overwhelmed. But I know that I will get through this pain and that I will be getting a love call that I don’t even know about yet.

“Bow Wow!” it will say.

And I will say, “Wow!”

I now have glimpses of you scampering where there are no cars for you to dodge, no cats you must run from, no cravings for foods that hurt you, no baths to endure, no need to bark at any- and everything. For you, my beloved Emy, are totally in the light of freedom!

I see you running wild with the wind blowing through your beautiful, silken hair, but I still so miss your perfect love presence in perfect dog form.

Can I put a closure to our love affair? I do not know. You

opened my heart with your sweet surgical skill and right now, I refuse to close it, for Love is coming through.

Through our pain and all our “stuff,” Love can call each of us when we least expect it, and Love can show itself to each of us in ways that may surprise. After all, LOVE is what everyone is!

Why Men Love Bitches.

Before you react negatively to that title, allow me to tell you how I interpret that word, because I’ve thought about it a great deal and I’m pleased to report that it no longer evokes the negative charge that it’s held for me for most of my life.

Just the other day, a man who’s quite close to me called me by that word, and I think I can safely say that he thought he was insulting me or criticizing me. Imagine his shock when I reacted by saying, “Thank you! What a revelation!”

He didn’t quite know what to make of it — but I sure did, because, now that I’ve learned to love myself and now that I’ve become a thinker on my own, the way I react to being called a bitch is not too serious anymore, it’s laced with a sense of humor, rather than a negative sensitivity.

To me, a bitch is not someone who has an abrasive disposition, not the proverbial “bitch on wheels” like the one Joan Collins portrayed on Dynasty. The woman I speak of doesn’t give up her life to please a man. She doesn’t chase a man. She won’t let a man think he has 100% hold on her. She isn’t swept away by romantic fantasy.

The woman I speak of has an ever-so-subtle strength She knows what she wants. She is like a steel magnolia, flowery (feminine) on the outside and secure and durable on the inside. And she will step up for herself when a man steps over the line.

I believe men love freedom and need a mental challenge. Typically, most men won’t say things like “Don’t be a doormat” or “Don’t revolve your whole world around me,” or “Don’t always say yes yes,” even though, deep down, they tend to resent latched-on women who are unable to say no to them.

In my opinion, therefore — even though they may not know it or admit to themselves — men love bitches because they’re independent, they know what they want and they can think on their own.

To me, a bitch is an empowered woman who derives tremendous strength from not thinking someone else’s thoughts. To me, a bitch has come to a self-knowledge of her own value. To me, a bitch is a woman who has a feeling of confidence and carries this magnetic quality within herself always.

Because of that, she is able to relate to any male on a whole new level.

I am a bitch. Won’t you join me?

I am the Universe

Yes, I am the universe.  The universe says and reflects what  I put  out to the universe,  No bird sings until I listen,  No tree stands in its beauty until I see it ,  Thank  you universe —  We are one Energy of awesome love and nothingness, I see it as a love connection universe and all I can ever say is THANK YOU.

 

Red

Where I now live I am blessed with visiting homeless dogs. The present dog who I have named RED (you can guess why); he is red. When Red first arrived at my Homeless Dog Shelter in front of my home, he kept a safe distance. Red had been badly abused and was afraid. I heard him speak with down cast ears and eyes, “my tail is connected to my heart”. As we two now connect in a silent heart relationship, he easily wags his bushy tail with a happy heart, feeling a love connection. Thank you Red!

We humans too are connected to our hearts in our gratefulness, happy appreciation living love. NO, I AM NOT GOING TO SAY “wag our tails”. This is my own true tale of discovering a silent heart speaking and opening my heart one more time embracing who I AM – LOVE! I love you, Red.

 

The Silent Heart

In my silent heart I don’t want to steal another person’s state of mind. When a person is in denial of themselves my heart speaks silently, not to change the other by trying to make them what I think they should be. Speaking from a silent heart sends love not my need or desire for others to be any other way than the way they are.

My work is to keep my heart open even in rejections. My work is not to change others but to go beyond my holdings and watch my expectations, desires, and projections and let my acquired models fall away one after another. Letting myself die to who I thought I was by diving into the preciousness of the moment – the truth of being. Living life from my silent heart frees me from the bondage of death, melting my fear of physical death. Although I do not see myself as a dead women walking, life confronts me with the gift of ego so I can see who I am Not and gain understanding of why I am here now.

How wonderful to be awakened from the past, which is truly a gift when received. Having had many facilitators, I am now able to listen to what was said from my past as though I am waking up and arising from my deathbed. I am alive and well.

My heart has been broken and again made whole. My heart has been wounded and healed again. A thousand deaths my heart has died and thanks to love, it lives yet. I went through hell and saw love’s raging fire. I bowed my head low in humility and on my knees I begged of love, “Disclose to me I pray thee oh love, thy secret silent heart.” She took me gently by my arms and lifted me above the earth and spoke softly in my ear, “My dear one, you are love and lover. And you thyself are the beloved whom thou hast adored.”

The silent heart speaks and I listen as I sit and embrace others by giving them their freedom to be who they are and who they speak.

 

Loving one’s self

It is of  practical  value  to love myself  . Since I spend so much time with this person, I might as well get some satisfaction out of this relationship.

Whatever you resist!!!!

Whatever you resist you become. If you resist anger, you are always angry. If you resist sadness, you are always sad. If you resist suffering, you are always suffering. If you resist confusion, You are always confused we think that we resist certain states because they are there, but actually they are there because we resist them. Anew secret has come upon me recently: “Not resisting but just change what is coming at me” when someone angers me, i see them with a remote control in their hand pointing at me, then what works for me is I CHANGE THE STATION.

Roses & Thorns of Life

Have you ever wondered how thorns came to be on beautiful roses?  I do not understand, but I do know that roses and thorns seem to grow together to give beauty.   Now after my own thorn experience in a relationship – I could call it a thorn experience – but can I say a rose will show up?   Comparing this with Life and life’s never ending change and movement each season says “This Too Shall Pass”.  So in our turmoil and devaluing others in quarrels set afire by misunderstanding and painful separation with hurtful words, emotions gone wild come out as pure EGO, the trickster.  I ask, can a rose bloom and become what it is or will it say, “No thanks, I want to remain in the darkness of the earth and be miserable; not bloom where I am planted”.  After a painful moment in relationships it takes a while to become silent within and see the rose start blooming amidst the thorny experience.

Nature is such a grand teacher as I choose to pay attention.  Have you been confronted with thorns lately?  There is a rose somewhere wanting to emerge from the darkness and bloom.   After all, we have been planted right where we are.  Thorns can become a call to awaken from the cold and to let go in the bloom and blessing.  Yes, we as unique as nature can willingly allow understanding in our own thorns and roses experience.    Beauty of a flawless rose and share as nature does.